My love life, or lack thereof, has been a common theme on this blog.  I’m sure you all are waiting to hear me share some good news about my romantic exploits, and I am here to tell you that today is not that day.

If you are not familiar with the concept of “shooing your shot” let me break it down for you briefly.  Imagine any basketball player who isn’t Steph Curry attempting to make a three point shot while your team is down by two and there are mere seconds left in the game.  This is risky because it could cause your team to win or lose.  You take that same risk when you decide to ask someone out on a date, or try to get their number, etc.  Except this might be more nerve wrecking…

Recently I decided to shoot my shot at the super fine security guard at my local grocery store.  I see him there quite frequently, mostly while shopping with my mom.  Even she can attest to him checking me out, so I knew that I had to do something about it.  One night while shopping on my own I decided I was going to finally speak to him and get the number!  (I had also received some much needed encouragement from a friend and we also pinky sweared that we would talk to our crushes.)  With all that in mind I was ready!  There was just one thing stopping me…myself.
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What makes it worse is that I was really feeling myself because I looked super cute since I was coming from a gallery opening that night and my lipstick was on point and I had on my cute boots…ya’ll get the picture.  I quickly walked into the store and there he was walking back into the lobby from the produce section.  (I’ve noticed he likes to do this, out of boredom probably.  And yes I am stalking him and no I’m not proud of it.)  I picked up some Oreo’s, hot pockets, cookies and cream ice cream, and a pack of pads in case that random selection of items did not already reveal that I was on my period.  I walked up to my favorite register, number 7, because its location gives bae the best view of me and its also always the shortest somehow.  I let the cashier ring me up, I paid for my items, then I lingered for a moment as I began to put my coat back on before heading out in the cold air.  I stalled some more and looked at one of the ads for next week but I didn’t really care that banana’s were going to be on sale, I was just trying to prepare myself for what I was about to do.  I grabbed a ad, stuffed it in my bag, turned around, and walked out of the store.  (Anti-climatic I know.)  I text my friend with the disappointing news and she urged me to go back into the store but I was pretty much home by the time she said that.

But I was so disappointed in my failure that the next night after leaving dinner with some friends I drove back to the grocery with my friend in the passenger seat for moral support.  This time as I walked in I greeted the cashier and my security guard.  (Because at this point he was all mine, in my head at least.)  For some reason the cashier decided to ask me why I walked into the store like I was about to steal something.  I guess he mistook my look of determination as one of crime but I told him his accusation made me feel discriminated, disrespected, and I reminded him that black lives matter.  I then turned my attention to SG.  I turned around, then proceeded to ask him if he was single.  He shook his head no.  I smiled and said, “Ok, that’s all I came in here for, now I can’t shop here anymore.”  Then I left, laughing at myself, he was laughing too so at least he has a good sense of humor.  I hope his little girlfriend or whatever appreciates that.  I do wonder how happy he is in this alleged relationship because my friend told me he definitely watched me leave the store and he was even watching as I drove away!  (Who’s stalking who now?!)  I’ll pop up again around Valentine’s Day for a lil progress report on his “relationship.”  Doesn’t cuffing season end around that time anyways?