I struggle with this statement. For as much as I tell myself that I don’t need to rush to get my life together, the more I feel that I should have it together by now. I realize that I’m young and I supposedly have all this time to figure it out. But, sometimes I feel like I’m sitting around doing too much thinking when I should be doing. I know I’m extremely hard on myself, but that’s only because I know how complacent I can be and have been in the past. I keep wondering what’s wrong with me, why can’t I get it together. People keep telling me I’m doing so great, I’ve got my degree, I’m going so far in life, but I just don’t see it…
It’s not a race right? So I can just keep going to my part-time job, come home and veg out on the couch, get little to no sleep at night and I’ll be alright? I guess I’ll eventually wake up, have my great epiphany and figure out exactly what I want to do with my life and how. The truth is I know what I want to do, I want to be a writer. Well that’s what I say today. I want to do a lot of things. I just don’t like sharing those things. I think it’s because deep down I don’t even think that I’ll ever accomplish them…because I’m scared.
I’m scared of failing, scared of succeeding. I’m especially scared of putting myself out there for the world to see. But, I’ll never know unless I try.
They say once you find your purpose, the rest follows. But, what if I never truly find mine? What if I do find it, but I’m bad at it? What if what I think is my purpose, actually isn’t? I’ve always been told I’m a gifted writer, but for a long time I didn’t really believe it.
Right now I’m stuck somewhere in the middle thinking that I don’t have to figure it out now, but on the other hand, time is wasting. If I’m not working on being successful in my field then what am I doing? There can be no downtime; when I get off work I shouldn’t be relaxing. I should be working on making my dreams a reality. Every day that I’m not doing that makes me feel like I’m wasting my life. I definitely don’t feel like I have time to figure it out when student loan payments are breathing down my neck and the pressure to get out of the state I’ve lived in all my life is hounding me.
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Then I realized the only person putting all this pressure on me is myself. Maybe I should relax a little and stop worrying about my future so much. That doesn’t mean I’ll completely stop thinking about it. I’ll still be working towards my goals because I don’t want to get complacent, but I won’t let it stress me out anymore.
I’ve also realized that plans can change. The goals I’ve set for myself today may change a year from now. Maybe I’ll discover a new talent and focus on that. Who knows?
But what do you know?
As long as I’m working towards something I’m good. I do have time, but it’s running out, so I have to make sure I don’t waste it! What is your plan not to waste it in the now?
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